VULNERABILITY ALERT… (spoiler, I’m not perfect)
Yesterday I felt like a fat, inauthentic, hypocritical failure.
I know I’ve gotten into some bad habits this year as I’ve struggled to balance a growing business and demand for my time with now building a second training institute, being a supportive partner, a loving and present step-mum, and delivering consistent energy and enthusiasm at my classes, workshops and live events.
Somewhere in there I forgot to PRIORITISE myself.
- I forgot that my body doesn’t like missing breakfast, and especially does NOT like skipping lunch or being delayed to the point of feeling famished.
- I forgot how fantastic I feel at getting up early to move my body in the cool, refreshing morning before it gets too hot, even though I know that getting myself into bed too late doesn’t help me get up early.
- I forgot that my time is important too. And sometimes I really need to stop being so generous and be more mindful of when time is up.
Over the last few months I’ve not prioritised myself and my needs: I only intermittently stretch, read, rest and spend time outside.
Meditation is more breath awareness to keep me focused on what I need to do next, and when i am meditating I allow myself to be distracted with everything going on around me.
When I don’t take care of myself, when I don’t nourish myself, when I don’t prioritise my needs, I feel it in my body and I start getting agitated and introspective inside the discomfort.
I start noticing my imperfections and flaws in greater detail.
I focus on my tummy and thighs and I start hearing that old witch inside my head telling me all kinds of crazy!
My saving grace is my own awareness.
I know the pains in my tummy are telling me that what I just ate is not good for me at the moment. I’m okay with that because it means I’m paying attention now.
Instead of resorting to past behaviours of punishing myself further with all kinds of challenging foods on top to make myself get rid of it all in some whacked attempt at control and relief, I’m feeling every sensation of discomfort and attending to myself with tenderness and compassion.
I don’t think about abusing my body like I once thrived on. It deserves my every respect.
With clarity I realise I’ve simply detoured from my core desired feelings and have unconsciously chosen the opposite of how I truly want to feel because this STUFF has slowly but surely crept into my daily life and taken a hold of my time, energy and attention.
Now that I’m awake and grateful to my body for pointing out my lack of awareness… I’m HERE. I’m tuning in. I’m listening and reorganising my thoughts.
After feeling dejected at realising how far I’ve let go yesterday I am grateful now that I am aware enough to know when I am out of alignment with my soul, and have the tools to gently guide myself back.
ABOVE ALL…
I truly, madly, deeply and completely love and accept myself EXACTLY as I am and know that this too shall pass as I love myself back into balance and wholeness again.
Don’t give up people. We all lose our way.
But we can NEVER give up on ourselves. We are worth every bit of our own time, care and attention.
Love and Light to each of you (even if you skipped to the end!),
Viki xo
About Viki
Viki Thondley is a Brain-Body Wellness Specialist and qualified Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Therapist, Wellness Coach and Eating Psychology expert who inspires women to rewire their mindset from dieting and restriction to whole-self nourishment, self-care and whole food healing. Recovered from bulimia nervosa and the many years of hormonal imbalances, food prison and self-sabotaging behaviours’, Viki is an inspiring speaker and passionate coach who empowers clients with self-love, internal happiness, body confidence and real food freedom.
She is author of “Achieving Your Wellness: Create a Life You Love” and “Healthy Chocolate Delights: Real Food Sweet Treats”.
