Let Go of Control & Be Yourself
A client came to see me with a desperate sense of her life being out of control, specifically, her obsessive thoughts about food, eating, and her body.
She had been struggling with her inner world for so long, that it took a lot of courage to even type up an email and reach out for help.
When she arrived at my door with a cool and calm exterior, she gave off an air of “I’m okay, everything is fine”.
Despite all her efforts though I could sense her internal chaos. She was wound up inside her mental torment and it was apparent in her eyes and body language.
By the time she had sat down on my comfy couch her emotional discomfort became evident. She was struggling to suppress her tears, as the truth of her vulnerability began to engulf her.
This lovely young woman was trying so hard to keep everything together, but what frightened her most was anyone seeing just how undone she had become.
Here she was – in a safe space of her choosing – yet unable to relax and allow herself to feel.
She was clearly in fight or flight mode (also known as the Stress Response) and caught up in her own fear.
Although there was no real threat in the room, from her perception there was. The danger in her mind was of truly being seen, and it frightened her enough that she was hateful toward her body and holding every breath.
If left unchecked, the tendency to compound your inhale can lead to anxiety, panic attacks and blood pressure concerns.
So many of us are consumed with what others may be thinking about us.
For my client, trying to appear like her life was normal and together was exhausting her control.
What I’ve discovered whilst guiding others through their pain and struggle – and learning to let go of my own inner demons – is that the more we strive to hold on, the less control we really have.
Ironically, the more we can let go of holding on so tight, the more calm and in control we begin to actually feel.
[Tweet “Ironically, the more we can let go of holding on so tight, the more calm and in control we begin to actually feel.”]This young woman, without realising, had become conditioned to her fear.
Now it was time that she learnt how to overcome it.
In first helping her relax enough to experience this contradiction, I asked her to count down her breathing – inhaling and exhaling at a slow and even exchange.
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Focusing on the breath directs the mind away from negative thinking and into the experience of the present moment: from thinking to being.
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Slowing the breathing adjusts the nervous system from the stress response to the relaxation response.
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Focusing on the exhale and suggesting relaxation of other body parts – for example the neck and shoulders, then the chest and stomach – encourages the mind to focus on those body parts and assist them to experience the sensation of release.
Together, the breath and mental focus oxygenate the brain and body, slow the heart rate, deepen the breath, expand the chest, and release tension and tightness throughout the entire body.
Most importantly, they create a wave of calmness that increases self-awareness.
For my client, this simple practice opened the doorway for her to finally let go, and gain understanding into how and why her mind was able to hold her body captive.
From that point on we were able to help her regain control around eating, and learn to care for her body without using food to distract from her pain.
If you need helping managing your relationship with food, control, body image and self-esteem take a look at how I can help you HERE.
Viki xo
About Viki
Viki Thondley is a Brain-Body Wellness Specialist and qualified Holistic Counsellor, Meditation Therapist, Wellness Coach and Eating Psychology expert who inspires women to rewire their mindset from dieting and restriction to whole-self nourishment, self-care and whole food healing. Recovered from bulimia nervosa and the many years of hormonal imbalances, food prison and self-sabotaging behaviours’, Viki is an inspiring speaker and passionate coach who empowers clients with self-love, internal happiness, body confidence and real food freedom.
She is author of “Achieving Your Wellness: Create a Life You Love” and “Healthy Chocolate Delights: Real Food Sweet Treats”.
