Let go of Anger, Find Inner Peace
When I was a teenager – angry, in denial, resentful and heavy hearted – my reality was believing I was the victim of mistreatment and neglect.
I had no sense of personal responsibility, control or conviction. I simply modelled the coping skills of those who raised me. I learnt how to get angry, yell, scream, blame, over-react, sulk, lash out and quickly ignore matters that were too emotional to feel.
After each blow up, things would go back to normal – quickly forgotten, as if they never happened. This frustrated me so much when I was left with all the emotion. I wanted people to talk to me and listen to how I felt. Instead I learnt how to push them away and not cope with the cause of my heartache and upset.
My thoughts were negative, low, hateful and hurtful.
My sleep was disturbed, food intake irregular, moods high and low and everywhere in-between.
I hated my body, would tear at with disgust, and thought about food every waking minute of the day.
I had an abundance of “friends” but no-one I could really talk to about what was going on in my head, let alone my heavy heart.
I was starving for understanding, complete acceptance and approval.
I was craving for love but instead I used food as comfort and abused my body with anger and shame.
I needed nourishment but not from food. Food simply became a distraction, a convenience, and the only thing I could control.
We all have difficulties and dark moments in life. We all wish we could fix things or make them go away – sometimes we might think if we hide or ignore things long enough, they just might.
In the end, our feelings grow deeper, further impatient, bubbling in our veins, just waiting to erupt…
Sometimes it’s a stranger, most often a loved one. We let loose all the frustration and disappointment on those we hold responsible – whether they deserve it or not.
And there we are, often alone, feeling embarrassed, further ashamed and completely worn out.
The body responds to our emotions and thoughts, creating physical reactions and symptoms to alert us. There is no way to disconnect these ties, conscious or not.
But we don’t listen when our bodies tell us to. We merely overreact and lash out whenever our stress cup overflows.
Until I grasped this realisation, until somewhere along my journey I was open, ready, receptive and curious enough to question all of my suffering and my role in creating it, I had lived my life absorbing the fear, stress and lies of those around me.
Worst of all though, I believed in my own lies, and all it brought me was pain, sickness and anguish.
After all the years I spent blaming others for my sorry state, it really never consciously occurred to me that I had it all wrong; that is wasn’t others who were to blame, but myself, for not being responsible for my life – health and happiness most definitely included.
I have always loved the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, who said “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
The lady was right. Spot on. From the first moment I read her wisdom, I understood.
I was allowing others to affect me in such oppressive ways and my lack of self-worth only made me angry that they did.
I didn’t believe I was good enough to stand strong and assert my own ideas and boundaries. So I didn’t. I hated it, but I still allowed them to make me feel unworthy and inferior.
This piece of wisdom was my saviour. It made me question my own involvement and start taking responsibility for my part.
I started listening to my thinking and challenging thoughts that were fear based: I’m not smart enough, I can’t do it, I’m too fat, Things never go my way...
I began spending quality time alone – not worrying, obsessing, over-thinking, stressing: time just being and doing activities that made me FEEL good about myself; rediscovering my likes and dislikes, my passions and interests.
Nature became my energiser and solace. I spent hours alone breathing, listening to my thought processes and considering my life from different perspectives.
My life slowly became my own as my confidence grew and my anger subsided.
I felt like I could breathe now!
The weight of my existence began to unburden my physical body as my mind became lighter in thinking and substance.
My body started relaxing and lightening the burden.
Gradually I felt less restricted, less heavy, less bound by the opinion of others.
My inner voice became louder and I was paying more attention.
I could hear my true self speaking directly to my conscious mind, and finally I was paying attention.
For the first time in my adult life I felt free to be “me”. All I was missing was the gift of self-respect – to make time for myself, to listen to my feelings, to enjoy the activities that made me feel most alive.
Since then I’ve continued to grow my awareness, set my personal boundaries, be responsible for my thoughts, words and actions, and cultivate inner peace and happiness.
Taking responsibility was the best healing decision I have ever made!
Are you ready to join me?
NeuroCoach, Psychotherapeutic Counsellor & Clinical Therapist
Freedom and Recovery from your Emotional, Weight & Eating Issues
Viki Thondley is a Transformational Coach, Holistic Counsellor & Meditation Therapist specialising in self-worth, stress, mind-body connection, subconscious reprogramming, depression/anxiety, body-image & disordered eating recovery. She is Founder/Director of the MindBodyFood Institute & author of the Holistic Life Coach & Mind-Body Practitioner certification course, plus several coaching & whole food books.
