How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Build Your Self-Esteem

Need Help Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries?

If you feel uncomfortable with someone else in your space, if you’re feeling angry when other’s won’t listen, or when other’s continue to mistreat you or behave in inappropriate ways, then you may need to step up and start getting clear about your personal boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are necessary to protect all areas of your life. For example:

  1. Material boundaries determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes or books.
  2. Physical boundaries help you determine who may touch you and under what circumstances.
  3. Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions.
  4. Emotional boundaries protect you from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative feelings or problems and taking others’ comments personally.

I think personal boundaries are an act of self-love. They are designed to protect our health, happiness and wellbeing by not allowing other people, situations or opinions to move into our sacred personal space and infiltrate areas they are not welcome.

Instead of feeling angry and resentful at being used or undervalued, we have an opportunity to start loving ourselves by the same standard we are putting forth to others.

When you set your personal boundaries you’re declaring, “This is what I want, and that is what I don’t want. When you respect my boundaries, I can love you more.”

[Tweet “When you respect my boundaries, I can love you more..”]

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

  • When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. No need to justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting. You are well within your right.
  • Try to remember that you are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for clearly and respectfully communicating it. If a boundary upsets the other person, be confident knowing it is not your problem. Some people, especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm.
  • Remember, your behaviour must match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary if you send mixed messages by apologising. At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a new boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to protect yourself.
  • Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety about what other’s will think, or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself. You deserve to be taken care of.
  • When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively.

Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time and support. Self-awareness and learning to be assertive are the first steps.

Communicating healthy boundaries and enforcing them, builds self-worth and confidence. And truly makes you a happier person from the inside out.

Need to learn how to set personal boundaries? Work with me in person or via Skype HERE.

 

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1 Comment
  1. Love this post! inspiring and motivational!