When words become beliefs…
A while back I spoke with a woman who takes great pride in her work. Even so, she said that she “didn’t feel she was good enough, that she’s very hard on herself, although she knows she shouldn’t be – knows she shouldn’t do that.”
Here’s how our conversation went:
I asked if when she worked, was she doing the best work that she was capable of.
She replied, “Yes, I try to do my best”.
To clarify, I asked – “So even though you know you are doing the best job you can do in that moment, you still believe that it’s not good enough?”
She replied, “Yes, but I know I shouldn’t”.
I looked at her with a questioning smile.
She repeated, “I know I shouldn’t but I do!”
Then she told me that when she was still married, her ex-husband used to beat her every time she didn’t do a good job. But sometimes – even though she tried very hard – he would beat her anyway.
“He’d call me stupid and say I’m doing it wrong”, she told me.
It seemed that no matter what this woman did in the past, it was never good enough for her ex-husband. So I asked her, “As an independent woman who is no longer married to that man, do you believe now that you are stupid?”
She replied, “Well no, I tell myself that I’m not stupid”.
Aaah… she tells herself that she’s not stupid. It’s almost like telling herself that she is! Let me explain…
This woman’s ex-husband told her countless of times that she was stupid. No matter how hard she tried to do a good job, it was never good enough for him. Finally, she believed his hurtful words to be true. After all, he beat her to prove it!
To change a belief you must first understand where it came from to challenge it from a different perspective.
Then you need to cast it aside and create yourself a brand new belief – one that is relevant and true for you now. By telling herself that she is not stupid, this woman was merely focusing on her fear of it being true.
Our subconscious mind is primitive and will not absorb words that are seen as non-essential. So to this woman’s brain, it may only hear, “I stupid”. This only reinforces her focus and fear of the belief that she is.
To take any limiting belief about yourself and your capabilities, and reframe it in a positive way that will allow you to grow and become more confident, the new belief must be a positive statement. It must be rhythmic and easy to say for our brains to remember and best respond, and it must be present tense and personal.
Don’t focus on changing the behaviour of other people – this will change nothing. Focus only on yourself.
A positive statement focuses on what you ARE and not what you HOPE you are NOT.
For example:
Belief – I am not good enough.
Thought – I am stupid.
Positive statement – I am a strong and capable woman.
Everything you think and say is an affirmation. Whatever thoughts you have or words you speak is an affirmation. Therefore, your thoughts and words can be positive or negative, depending on the belief underlying them. Your thoughts and words can either help you or hinder you. They will either enable you to grow, or will disable you from trying.
Wherever you learnt to think a certain way about yourself is in the past.
In every moment you have the capability to notice your thoughts, stop the negative ones, and reframe them into more positive, truthful and productive thoughts that will serve you with love. Your attitude will begin to change, your mood will improve, and your emotions and behaviour will follow.
Once you have a new affirmation, say it aloud. Affirm it to yourself every morning. Reaffirm it to yourself throughout the day: to the mirror, the fridge, the computer screen, the dashboard in your car… etc. Make it visible and say it to yourself mentally and aloud. Eventually this new belief will start to change your thinking and become true for you.
No one can get into your mind and make you think a certain belief unless you allow them to, and usually this happens through fear. Identify the fear underlying an adopted belief. Challenge it – is it really true for or about you? If not, then change it.
Empower yourself and choose your own thoughts. When you start changing your internal world, your outer world will respond in often surprising and pleasant ways…
Wishing you vibrant health and whole-self nourishment,
Viki xo
